As promised (or threatened, depending on how you feel), I want to make FatEmery a space to share my current relationship with music. Right now it feels a bit technical (there are spreadsheets), but it is also the most engaged and joyful I have felt about music in some time. Even in the obsessive documentation, there is pleasure. So, without further ado, we’ll jump into February and March recaps. January is exempt because I was in a Bad Place, heh.
February was a good reintroduction to music, for me. I spent a good amount of time spinning vinyl records that I already knew I enjoyed, and I benefitted from a number of new recommendations from a dear, similarly musically nerdy, friend.
To start – here is the current color coded key for navigating the spreadsheet. All projects are new listens to me, unless specified by the light blue color or vinyl listens.
I wanted to reintroduce myself to FatEmery.com by writing about something I want to write about. It seems that every time I try to write a meaningful piece about my life, or some thought I’ve been kicking around my head for some time, it starts alright, and then promptly dies in my drafts…which is why there are 3 times as many half-written drafts than there are posts on this here website (also, in part, why there hasn’t been a new one in over a year lol).
With that said, I want to chat about music. I love music, but my engagement with it comes and goes, often contingent on the state of my employment and/or mental health and/or depressive episodes, which shockingly all seem to be interconnected. Unlike music, I hate working. But, I’m not doing that currently, and I’ve been taking my Zoloft, so my music intake has skyrocketed (I just can’t cum — yeehaw!)
But what do I want to say about music – that’s such a broad topic to approach. Well, because this is my little project and I’m writing it, I want to reflect a bit on my relationship to it over the years, and where it is now. From my time in church choir, to its position as a catalyst for self-destruction, to learning how to enjoy things more casually – music has been a constant in my 30 years here on Earth.
How many times has life been compared to a balancing act? It certainly isn’t a new metaphor, but it seems to grow more relevant every day.
I’ve been lucky enough not to work a restaurant serving job (I’ve worked food service though, don’t worry) – but I’ve often felt that navigating every expectation and need of life is like a server carrying a tray of drinks to a table with some obscene number of patrons. You have to consider each glass, their size and weight, what’s in them, how full each one is, the risk of spillage — etc…
Except, instead of a tray of cocktails, it’s work, home, exercise, self care, social considerations, relationships, pets, bills, and so on, filling this poor plastic tray to capacity – the chance of overflow a matter of “when” not “if.”
On a good day, I am straining my arm, my core, my capacity, trying to keep this tray, and every glass, upright. On a good day, this already feels like an impossible task.
Then add the current administration (national, local, work—take your pick, but you can’t opt out), and suddenly I’m the waiter balancing a drink tray but I’m on a tightrope between two skyscrapers; the government is the breeze, swaying me – unsteady, nothing to grasp to keep from plummeting to the earth below, drenched in the commitments I failed to maintain.
Look, I’m not trying to be dramatic – it just comes so naturally. But that is the truth! I go to work everyday and I struggle through it just to get home where I try so desperately to forget the realities of a world that is currently working so hard to erase my humanity and that of those I love most.
I guess, in summation, what I’m trying to say is that I am tired. I’m just really tired and I am scared and all I can do is just say that and try to continue balancing on this tightrope.
In other, slightly less dramatic, news, as mentioned in a previous note, I’ve gained renewed interest in old hobbies. With that, I want to share these crochet monstera leaves I hung in our living room this week. Pattern by @KristinesDay on TikTok/YouTube, adapted by me for chunkier yarn.
What an absolute shitshow of a year, so far – am I right, ladies? There’s just something about living in constant terror that’s really exhausting and defeating. While continuing to keep up with the news and relevant goings-on (UGH), it has become necessary to allow myself small pleasures. Staying steeped in darkness has not been to my benefit thus far, so one unintended positive to the political upheaval and crumbling of modern democracy that continues to come to pass is the re-inspiration to participate in activities I enjoy.
So, in respecting my own boundaries and needs, here are a few things I’ve been doing more regularly:
In another life, I’d share my recent listens and favorite songs on such platforms as Facebook, twitter, tumblr, Instagram, Snapchat, Pornhub, etc… But in this shithole country, money has once again ruined anything good or fun or novel about social media. So instead of any of that, I’m going to document those listens here, where no one will ever look. Maybe, though, this record will survive whatever today’s equivalent of Y2K is, and guide a new world to the greats who came before.
I recognize that it is March, but I started this blog late so we’ve got a little catching up to do. So without further ado –
January listens and highlights:
A comprehensive list of projects listened to, in alphabetical order by title
Yuh, yuh, I’ve done blogs a half a million times, so why do I think this will be any different? Well I will tell you! This time I’ll be deadly serious this time.
No really- I’ve abandoned social media but I still need an outlet and Pinterest only offers so much. So – the intent here is to create a space to share what I would have put on instagram or twitter or tumblr or whatever have you of year’s past. Also, I paid for a year on this platform. Thankfully, I’m creative AND deep, so I hope to have a lot to put here. More earnestly, this will likely be just another failed project— stay tuned.
What makes this extra fun for me is that I’m using my iPad and pencil so I feel like that bitch in read it and weep – the shitty DCOM we rewatched recently. You know, the Panabaker who made Emily Osment suicidal in that cyberbully movie about cyberbullying? I think it was called “the bus that couldn’t slow down.”
Except this time, sharing my thoughts on the internet is the point.
Anyway, I’m not quite sure what this will really be, but I enjoy music, baking, handcrafts, sharing my opinion, and so much more. So, with all that being said, we’ll start this bad boy off with a recent recipe success. Most of them are successes, but I digress.
We’ll call these “classic sugar cookies with buttercream” because I’m not original enough to come up with something better. I took these bad boys to work in hopes of distracting my coworkers from the fact that I did NOT prepare for my presentation. Truly, they were so unbelievably undeserving of such kindness.
Recipe for the cookie from Sugar Spun Run, frosting made up on the spot from 15 years of making buttercream.
the projection room above the auditorium 